December 31, 2009
Introduction: There has been some conflict within the Board of Nash Managment as to what this blog post should entail; however, it is widely agreed upon (save perhaps by Lazy Nash and Self-Doubt Nash) that the upcoming holiday deserves a post (if nothing else, it will maintain my at-least-one-post-per-month pace). As such, to ensure that each Nash is adequately represented, it has been decided that this post will contain a dialogue between Nashs, in regards to both the nature of this post, as well as the impending 2010’s. It should be noted, however, that the Board will be conducting this dialogue live, and that it is not prerecorded. As such, the reader should expect a certain (and, quite possibly, irritating) level of self-reference. For this we, the Board, heartily apologize (Introspective Nash, however, is not represented by this apology, as self-reference is his primary occupation).
SENTIMENTAL NASH: To begin, I would very much like to make a short monologue about the holiday, because, as many of you know, I have been developing a great passion in regards to the meaning of this turn in decades, and I would be honored to pour my heart out to the Board.
HERALD OF THE BOARD: Your Request is granted, Sentimental Nash.
SELF-DOUBT NASH: If I may interject, I feel this post is very stupid–
HERALD OF THE BOARD: You may not Interject, Self-Doubt Nash, please Remain Seated. Sentimental Nash, please Continue.
SENTIMENTAL NASH: Thank you very much, Harold. Now, I begin. Tomorrow, my friends, marks the beginning of not only a new year, but a new decade. This will be the third decade in which we have existed, and it will be another major portion of our life. I feel as though we are standing in the fog on the ledge of a great ship, and our port is just out of reach, but there is no telling what this port has in store for us. As we near this harbor, I have been reflecting on our voyage thus far–specifically through this year. Now, as you know, this has been quite a year for us. There have been crushing defeats, heartbreaking tragedies, and great struggles of the soul, and I am thinking, as I reflect upon these events, that they have been leading us to this very point. They are our conflict, but tomorrow night will be our climax. Tomorrow night we turn over into a new land, a new harbor, and the defeats of last year will be nothing more than the ocean that brought us here. Okay. I think that’s about all I have right up front. Thank you again, Harold.
HERALD OF THE BOARD: The Table is now open for Discussion.
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: I would like to point out that the “New Years” holiday is purely a social construct, the actual date of which is completely irrelevant. New Years might as well be on January 2 or even in some other month entirely. In fact, it would seem to be most appropriate to place the beginning of the new year at such a date so that it coincides with the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring, since, in common human symbolism, Winter is representative of death and Spring of rebirth.
SELF-DOUBT NASH: Yeah like we haven’t heard that proposition before.
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: I offer only the truth, trite or not.
SENTIMENTAL NASH: Well, I was just trying to explain that, no matter when New Years should fall, it happens to fall at a critical point in our own life, since it will be the cumulation of a years worth of struggles and personal growth on our part. Tomorrow night the phoenix dies and by morning it is risen anew!
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: Now that assertion is even more ridiculous. Yes, there have been struggles over the past year, but what reason do we really have to expect this to be their cumulation? Tomorrow night is just another night. Tonight is a night. You didn’t disagree that New Years could fall on any day without problem, so why isn’t tonight the cumulation? What reason do we have to expect our problems to cumulate tomorrow night? Surely you don’t believe that we’ll magically stop having struggles after January first?
SENTIMENTAL NASH: Well, no. It’s just–It isn’t that New Years Eve fixes everything. It’s just that it helps to remind us that the past is in the past, and that there is hope for the future. That is why they cumulate with New Years, because we let them cumulate with New Years and that way we can keep on going.
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: If we are truly honest with ourselves, would we really need to be reminded of those things? Could it be, Sentimental Nash, that the reason you are so excited for this holiday is that you need to be reminded and reinspired by this holiday because you allow yourself to succumb to the emotional effects of those past events as well the chill torments of having your warm blanket of dreamy idealism ripped away from you by the brutal hand of reality?
INTROSPECTIVE NASH: I move that we forcibly redirect the flow of this conversation, as it is now representative merely of personality differences. Since both Sentimental Nash and Objective-Critical Nash are equally unable to conform to the other’s personality without defeating their identities as well as their roles on this Board, our purposes are best served by abandoning our present debate. Also, Objective-Critical Nash, you’re only going to make Sentimental Nash cry by speaking to him in that manner. You aren’t going to convince him of anything.
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: His tears would only further prove his misguided thinking.
INTROSPECTIVE NASH: Well, your insistence on the superiority of your own mindset only proves the imperfection of your objectivity.
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: On the contrary, since said superiority was derived in an objective environment, it is still objective to insist that it is superior, since it is the truth.
HERALD OF THE BOARD: Introspective Nash, your movement for a Redirection has been Accepted. Are there any other Topics for the Table?
PUBLIC RELATIONS NASH: Yes. I move that we end the blog post now, because it is becoming quite long–as many of our posts, unfortunately, are–and readers will probably not want to put up with this much reading. Especially seeing how, erm, well, how abstract and blathery it is.
NON-CONFORMIST NASH: oh so the point of posting on the blog is just to appeal to the readers? some blog it is then! we should change the name to “a wanderer’s popularity-contest entry” then, because they’d hardly be honest ponderings. oh wait, that wouldn’t go over well. are we just looking for sheer number of readers, PR Nash? because then we should just change it to “naked celeb pix”.
PUBLIC RELATIONS NASH: I move that we erase the last sentence of Non-Conformist Nash’s previous remark. Though his “rebellious spirit” will appeal to teenagers and college students, the phrase “naked celeb pix” may very well offend many of our readers.
NON-CONFORMIST NASH: there you go again. trying to censor me. objective-critical nash! back me up here, man. should we really be biasing our blog just to make people happy?
(SUPPOSEDLY) OBJECTIVE-CRITICAL NASH: If this purpose of this post is to be an unbiased, egalitarian expression of each different member of the Board, then it would be hardly egalitarian or unbiased if we were to censor Non-Conformist Nash’s remarks. Whether or not the phrase “naked celeb pix” is rude is purely subject to interpretation.
PUBLIC RELATIONS NASH: And that interpretation is exactly what I am taking into consideration, OC Nash!
INTROSPECTIVE NASH: Seeing that we have, once again, fallen into another rather circular argument, and that we have strayed quite far from the topic of the New Year, I move that we take a moment for any further thoughts in regards to the new year, and then go ahead and wrap the post up.
HERALD OF THE BOARD: Movement accepted. Are there any further Thoughts in regards to the upcoming holiday?
SELF-DOUBT NASH: No. But we aren’t seriously going to post this, are we?
NON-CONFORMIST NASH: yeah. just be-cause we can.
SELF-DOUBT NASH: Don’t do it. Please. We are going to feel so stupid when we wake up tomorrow and read this. Don’t you realize that we’re writing this at 1:38 in the morning? That more than half of this is just introspective blather and is completely unrelated to New Years Eve?
NON-CONFORMIST NASH: well. the first part is kind of related to new years eve. and that’s all people are going to read anyway, so we’re good! but did anyone else feel like introspective nash was kind of running this show? why did herald listen to everything he said?
PHILOSOPHICAL NASH: Well, he was kind of running this show. I mean, how else do you think we would exist?